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Download 5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker PDF

By Grant Tucker

Whether advised within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and straightforwardness unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a distinct position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the paintings shape, there turns out no greater time to have a good time the immortal one-liner. during this ebook, provide Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever advised in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has the entire quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you are going to ever desire – and a complete lot extra.

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Sample text

Please be short, brief and to the point. ’ I have two brothers. Well, three actually, but one has learning difficulties so he can’t count. The police have banned me from driving, but I thought it was perfectly legal to drive after only having six points. Or ‘pints’ as the police spelt it. I don’t celebrate Father’s Day. I’m such a bastard. Spelling yllistsuj backwards is just silly. ’ No surprise that she was soon sacked from her job as a journalist. A survey has shown that smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear. I want to be able to edit some of the most watched porn videos to add the sound of a car door closing randomly in the middle. I miss my umbilical cord. I grew attached to it. Golf: the only sport where foursomes are encouraged, you can show off your wood, you can polish your balls and it’s OK to have a short shaft. I’ve recently got a job as a shepherd and it’s so tiring. I can’t even count my flock without falling asleep. I just read that iPhone users have more sex than Blackberry users.

My mate asked if I wanted to play electric shock Monopoly. I jumped at the Chance. I’m not paranoid, but I’m sure people think I am. Some guy knocked on my door and asked me if I’ve ever considered an alternative energy supplier. ’ Kids can be so irresponsible. In fact, that applies to all goats. ’ Please tell your boobs to stop looking at my eyes. Windmills: big fan; big, big fan. People say I’m a sex addict. Well, they can suck my dick. My wife laughed at me earlier when I slipped on a banana skin.

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