Prepare yourself for the onslaught of
- 1978
- 1990
- 1992
- 1994
- 1995
- 2001
- 2002
Make sure to arm yourself with that nugget and here is to LSU making it 0-9!
I recently moved into a house that was renovated, including the installation of a hard-wired smoke alarm system. When I moved into the house, I thought to myself–it’s nice to know that I am going to have the security of a reliable smoke alarm system. I don’t have the greatest of luck, and if anyone is going to perish under bizarre, catastrophic circumstances, I would be the leading candidate.
For example, several years ago one of my dogs, Coconut, ventured into the kitchen of our old place. In an apparent attempt to scavenge the stove-top for any stray crumbs, she propped her front paws onto the front of the oven, turning on one of the burners. Ignorant to the activity going on in the kitchen, I was watching TV with the ol’ girlfriend in the adjacent living room. The burner that Coconut accidentally turned on, was under a “fire retardant” ovenmit. After several minutes of continual exposure to an open flame, the ovenmit caught fire. I remember watching Coconut walk past the couch I was sitting on, with a look so supsicious, I could almost hear her whistling nonchalantly and singing:
“Just walking by you…la la…absolutely nothing is on fire…bobbity boop…”
Suddenly, I smelled smoke…
I quickly ran into the kitchen, and found myself confronted with a flaming ovenmit. I screamed, “COCONUT IS TRYING TO KILL US!” and proceeded to turn off the burner and frantically douse the ovenmit with the spray attachment from the adjoining sink.
So, as you can see, a reliable smoke alarm is essential when being Melvin.
That being said, I FUCKING HATE OUR NEW SMOKE ALARM SYSTEM. After only a few days in my new place I discovered that anytime you bake anything in the oven at even the lowest possible temperature, that goddamn alarm goes off. And “loud” does not begin to describe the actual alarm that it emits. Our smoke alarm system isn’t loud–it is ear-shatteringly loud. Since the alarm system is hard-wired, all 5 units simultaneously release a soul-piercing shriek that can only be stopped by complex series of procedures that include opening every window in the kitchen and yelling “FUCK!” alot.
Let me run you through the typical scenario:
1. Melvin places a frozen pizza in the oven, and even though the instructions say “Bake at 425 degrees”, he anxiously turns the knob to an almost ineffective 350 degrees–he sets the time and prepares for the worst.
2. 5 minutes pass, and he begins to feel secure–perhaps the alarm won’t go off this time.
3. 1 minute later, all five alarms begin shrieking, Melvin leaps off the couch, screams “FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” and begins to open every window, the back porch door, and turns off the oven.
4. Melvin’s girlfriend’s parrot begins to freak out form the noise, and flies frantically around the house and crashes into Melvin and a few pieces of furniture before landing on its cage.
5. The dogs bolt into different directions, taking shelters in different locations, and start to violently shake.
6. Melvin grabs a magazine, and begins to futilely flap it at the smoke alarm closest to the kitchen, continuing to press the “hush” button on the alarm.
7. Eventually the alarm turns off, no thanks to any of his efforts, and everyone–man and animal–are freaked out and a little pissed.
8. 10 minutes later, the timer goes off for the pizza, Melvin eagerly walks over to the oven…opens it…and realizes he forgot to turn the oven back on. The pizza is uncooked.
9. Repeat steps 1-8.
I hate that fucking smoke alarm.
I am sure many of you have your own favorite original NES games. It was a close call for the top position for me.
10. Kung Fu: “One of the great first generation games. Sylvia, Sylvia!”
9. RC Pro AM: “Very fun game, allowed you to build up your car through out the game to add a very fun element”
8. Ikari Warriors: “The first two player at the same time adventure. ABBA gave you an extra life!”
7. Metal Gear: “Excellent fun and very difficult to complete. A spy game with attitude.”
6. Link – Zelda II: “An amazing game that defined a generation of early video games. Very difficult… I was one of the only people that actually beat the whole game.”
5. Super Techno Bowl: “Hut, Hut, Hut, Hut, Hut… nuff’ said”
4. Zelda: “The gold box, the master sword, the race to be the first on the block to finish it. Fantastic game.”
3. Contra: “up-down-left-right-left-right-ABBA-select-start”
2. Mike Tyson’s Punch Out: “I never could beat Mike Tyson, but I got to him. Very fun game with excellent play controll. Had very memorable characters and an amazing training song!”
1. Rygar: “The greatest of the greats… Rygar had it all. A game that could be finished in an afternoon with great graphics, fun character building functions, and a floating cloud super castle!”
Some Honorable Mentions: Faxandu, Bad News Baseball, Duck Hunt, Ninja Gaiden, Castlevania, Super Mario Bros. 2, Trojan
Raise your hand if you think the RIAA is a good institution?
Bueller? Bueller?
That is what i thought.
Apparently someone in the music industry is actually “starting” to think the same thing.
Check out this article at pcmag.com talking about EMI (one of the 4 big record companies; they own Virgin & the venerable Capitol Records) considering substantially cutting their funding for the RIAA. EMI recently acquired by Terra Firma and it seems in layman’s terms Terra Firma decided they are throwing away money at the RIAA.
Now I’m not an expert on the subject matter and i won’t pretend to be, but evidently the big record companies poor millions of dollars to the RIAA so they can “protect” their product. AKA sue the shit out of us the customers.
I’ll get excited when one of the companies cuts them off completely and the others start to follow suit, but i guess when you are dealing with an institution that thinks it is a good business practice to sue its own customers you have to take baby steps……
RIALTO, California (CNN) — Rodney King, whose 1991 police beating sparked widespread rioting in Los Angeles and other U.S. cities, was recovering Thursday after being slightly wounded by gunfire…Sgt. Don Lewis said King was grazed on his face, arms, back and torso. The wounds were superficial. A shotgun was believed to have been the weapon used.
Damn Rodney! When are you going to lay off the Crack!
I love how he rode his bicycle home after getting shot. Something tells me that he really didn’t want to get the Police involved.
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves,bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.”
She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.”
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”
“The Most Hated Family in America” is a must-see documentary that was produced by the BBC 2, and was originally broadcast in the UK. It is now airing on the Discovery Times channel, so if you pay ridiculously too much for digital cable, then you likely will able to see it.
“The Most Hated Family in America” is profile of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas–an organization more well-known as the certifiable idiots who run “GodHatesFags.com”, and picket the funerals of slain soldiers with signs that exclaim “God Hates Fags!”. Louis Theroux interviews members of the church, and provides a shocking window into cultish, radicalism that is the basis of their insane theology.
In the eyes of the Westboro Baptist Church’s leader, the Reverend Phelps, God has determined that the greatest enemy of humanity is the gay community. According to his twisted logic, American troops are perishing in conflicts overseas due to our country’s tolerance of homosexuality. Therefore, they are submitting to will of God by picketing the funerals of soldiers who have been killed in Afghanistan or Iraq, harassing grieving families who have already suffered enough trauma from the loss of their loved one.
What I find to be fascinating, is the glee and enthusiasm by which the individuals who participate in this sick exercise enunciate the words “fag”, “faggot sex”, “fornication”, “feces eaters” and many other taboo phrases that the rest of functioning, sane society tend to avoid using–because we just don’t seem to dwell on, or even consider, these concepts.
These people subscribe to such a radical, incompatible doctrine, that they are ignorant to their own inherent incapacity to successfully follow it. You can feel the seething hypocrisy eminating from the adults who embrace this bizarre worldview, as the audience can reasonably assume that the thoughts, ideas and desires that they viciously attack certainly have to course through their minds. You know that if the entire adult parish were locked in a room with a hundred copies Honcho Magazine, they would sit around flipping through each copy, declaring how America is going to burn in hell, while they try to hide their GIANT BONERS.
It is that time of the year. Every December lazy music writers/critics can count on putting out their very own “best of” list. That’s right just throw it out there and let people come and rip you apart because you forgot the old rock dinosaur’s new album or the newest pitchfork darlings “it” band. I won’t lie i love reading over them and seeing what folks are drooling over.
One of the first ones that has caught my attention is Paste Magazine’s year end 2007 List Be sure to check out their editors individual list as well. This list obviously caters to their readers which tend to be a bit “folky” or “indie”.
I actually like most of the albums in their top ten (well the half of them i have heard at least). Not sure if i would rank them like that though. Here is their top ten:
1. The National – Boxer
2. Arcade Fire – Neon Bible
3. Bruce Springsteen – Magic
4. The White Stripes – Icky Thump
5. Feist – The Reminder
6. M.I.A. – Kala
7. Wilco – Sky Blue Sky
8. Modest Mouse – We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank
9. Band of Horses – Cease to Begin
10. Iron & Wine – The Shepherd’s Dog
full list
In a similar vein Harp Magazine dropped their list recently. Similar indie/folky style but different results.
Again I have about 50% of these but i don’t think many of these would make a top ten for me. For instance I love neil young but his new album is far from good and even farther from the best of the year.
The first list i saw came out months ago from Stylus. Quite an odd list. Here is their top ten:
01. LCD Soundsystem – Sound of Silver
02. Miranda Lambert – Crazy ExGirlfriend
03. Panda Bear Person Pitch
04. Lil Wayne – Da Drought 3
05. The National – The Boxer
06. Kanye West – Graduation
07. Spoon – Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
08. M.I.A. – Kala
09. The Field – From Here We Go Sublime
10. Radiohead – In Rainbows
Now if those list don’t get your testosterone flowing take a peak at Decibel’s year end list (in stores now) Here is the top ten according to the metal mega magazine:
10 – A Life Once Lost – iron gag
09 – High on Fire – death is this communion
08 – Portal – outre
07 – Witchcraft – the alchemist
06 – Neurosis – given to the rising
05 – Baroness – the red album
04 – Jesu – conqueror
03 – The Dillinger Escape Plan – ire works
02 – Watain – sworn to the dark
01 – Pig Destroyer – phantom limb
I actually only own 2 albums on this one so i can’t say much. The Baroness album is worth the hype though (think mastodon meets isis) & the High on Fire album comes with all the fury one could expect from the metal masters. I do want to check out the new Pig Destroyer. It is on my Christmas list for Santa to bring to me.
Anyone else seen any other good list? Any surprises on these? What albums did you love that have been “looked over” this year so far by the critics. Most importantly curious minds want to know what albums melvin has been listening to this year?
I have not been able to find as much internet clamor about this movie as I thought I would. I have noticed some reviews mentioning it in the same breath as 300 for its visual distinction and violence. Unfortunately I don’t think it lives up to those lofty expectations, but Beowulf does delivery a fun movie going experience.
