My friends, I have seen Hell and it is…..
Removing wallpaper. Before I purchased Casa Reiss-Crosby I thought that my personal Hell might be watching The Golden Girls non-stop while listening to Michael Bolton and Celine Deon singing a duet with Kenny G blowing the ass-horn in the background.
Nope….. does not even compare to removing wallpaper.
The experts (and numerous websites) will tell you that this is such an easy process. They blow sunshine up your ass letting you think that it’ll be poodles and daises. NO it’s really barbed wire and open scabs…it’s horrible
I first began this (miss) adventure last Sunday; I went to my local Home Depot and rented a wallpaper steamer, (a devise that heats water and makes skin peeling steam as to remove your wall paper) it worked well, but I was crawling along at a snail’s pace. During my 2 day rental, We made it through 3 rooms, (Sara made it through a bathroom with the conventional spray; her Hell was far worse than mine) but 3 rooms worth of wallpaper remained. To make matters worse the previous owners used a lot of glue and did not prime the walls before putting up the paper, this exacerbated the process making it incredibly slow and even more painstaking than I’m guessing it should have been. I knew, even then, that the worse was yet to come.
My advice, if you’re going to remove wallpaper, call me. I’ll bring the Celine Deon and laugh at you the entire time, that way you get the full effect…
Tags: Celine Deon, Hell, Wallpaper
April 7th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I can’t imagine the horror of hearing Celine Dion and Kenny G duet. The sound of that asshorn booming from Kenny G and Celine’s banshee shrieking voice together sinds shivers down my spine.
Now you say your experience was worse? ……THE HORROR!
I have to say i feel sorry for you man but like most things in life moments of pain and suffering many times bring out the best and that was a great post to read. Nice write up!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Good visuals. I have thought about taking down wallpaper before but heard it was a nightmare. And not the “I’m falling” kind of nightmare. I mean the “midget chasing you through the house of mirrors” type of nightmare.
I’m sorry….so very sorry.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
It’s really no problem, We (I) lived through it, I’m much stronger and now that it’s over I’ll sand the walls a bit, throw some nice paint and it’ll look great…
April 7th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I guess it is pretty safe to say you are not much of a fan of the Charlotte Gilman short story the Yellow Wallpaper….
I hope your wallpapering experience dos not lead you to end up in that characters state of mind!
April 7th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
That is an awesome short story, and yes I hope not either…
April 7th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I remember you talking about removing the wallpaper last time we met up at English. I remember saying, “you know removing wallpaper is a huge pain in the ass, right?”. Then you said, “it’s no problem, I got all the shit I need from Home Depot already”. Then I just laughed silently to myself.
One of the worst parts about my experience was that once I was done, I read some of the warning labels on the chemicals that “easily remove” the wallpaper only to find that all of them were known to be causes of cancer.
So, if the wallpaper doesn’t kill you…the cancer will.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Striker Murdock = Master of pouring salt on wounds
April 7th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Somehow with my selective memory, I forgot that conversation. It’s ironic because, it played out like the beginning of every horror movie; a warning from the old codger on the way to a destination……you will die! beware….(at least you did not sing the warning in the styling of Celine Deon)
April 7th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
This is all HA HA funny. The picture is totally gross. I’m sorry you suffered through that. I would imagine it being in the first or second layer of hell. I’m sure it was all worth it.
April 7th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
…just callin’em like I see’em
July 7th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
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