My Recent Robbery
So… I returned to work on Wednesday, hopeful for a peaceful and short week. The first thing I notice is scattered papers all over my conference room. I had to prepare my day, so I did not think too much about it, and thought that the heat must have knocked the papers off of a desk.
About 15 minutes after I had my first cup of coffee, one of my employees comes to me, timidly, and tells me that he thinks we were broken into over the holiday. He shows me where files had been scattered, and where the phone had been taken off the hook and one of the lines had been picked up in the back office (a place that no one has been in at least 2 weeks). He also showed me where the weather stripping had been torn off of my warehouse doors.
Needless to say I was pissed off and scared. I called my alarm company, and they informed me that no one had been in or out of the building over the holiday weekend. I decided to check my firesafe for my money. A few of my employees have a key to the firesafe, and there was about $1000 in there over the weekend. As I bent down to count the money, I heard something under my desk.
At that moment, the intruder jumped on to my back. I reached back to try and get him off, while screaming like a little girl. It was by far the largest f-ing squirrell that I have ever seen. This thing was the size of a Golden Retriever on steroids.
Needless to say, I was scared shitless. At least no one really broke in my store. We were able to capture the squirrell and set it free. It had eaten a hole in the dry wall the size of a bowling ball to get into my office and disrupt everything. I have spent this week repairing my wall, refiling papers, and cleaning up cat-shit sized squirrell shit.
I cant wait to get back to work after the New Years Holiday.
December 28th, 2007 at 11:45 am
That is crazy! That mother f’er might have been rabid. Put it in your top 5 crazy things that has happen to you list, right under actually slipping on a banana peel and busting your ass.
Very funny
December 28th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
That really is fucking crazy! I would not be surprised if you start getting little notes saying if you don’t pay up with some good nuts before winter he is gonna come back and whack you!
December 28th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
I do think that he might be after my nuts…
Needless to say, the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie looks like a horror film to me at the moment.
December 28th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
What if I had slipped on a banana peel while trying to escape a rabid squirell. You cant make shit like that up. If we ever make a movie, that has to be one of the scenes.
December 28th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Did he look like this:
http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2006/07/squirrel5190706_175×125.jpg
or this:
http://www.bayareabikes.org/btwd/teamphotos/345.jpg
December 28th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
I don’t know, the banana-peel-slip-n-fall is probably one of my fondest college memories. We may have to leave that one alone. People still don’t believe me when i tell them that i’ve seen someone unknowingly slip on a banana peel. And you thought that shit only happened in cartoons.