Stupid Things I Do: Let the ATM machine eat my debit card.
It’s Christmas Eve, most stores are closing, the next 24 or so hours are going to be devoid of access to amenities such as groceries and liquor. I need to make a deposit, withdraw a little bit of cash for myself and to pick up a few last minute gifts, so a short detour to the ATM while traveling to the girlfriend’s parents should be fairly innocuous. If you were to dig a little deeper, the fact that I bank with a credit union located 400 miles from my home, could make this event seem much more precarious. Actually, I tend to make all events precarious. All deposits, card and check issuances, and miscellaneous banking activities are done remotely. The inconvenience is a small price to pay for the scarce fees, numerous free products, and perks such as instant ATM deposit credits.
So, my girlfriend and I, free of stress, head out the door to enjoy a late Christmas Eve dinner with her family, where we’ll have a little wine and open a few presents. We are a little late, but what else is new? I am always late.
As we drive through the neighborhood I casually mention: “Oh…I need to stop at an ATM and make a deposit, and withdraw cash for the next few days.” I pull next to an ATM, perform the transactions–oooo…its a little chilly outside–and jump back into the car. We drive down the main street, between the row-style shops, noting which bars happen to be open, engaging in friendly conversation: “We should rent SuperBad from RedBox DVD on Wednesday; good thing we have a debit card!”
Uh-oh, we need gas!
I pull into the gas station, step out and place the pump in the gas-hole…thing. I open my wallet so that I may swipe my debit card through the reader…
Hmmm…where is my debit card?
OH FUCK!
I frantically throw my wallet onto the back seat, jump into the car, and yell, “I forgot to grab my card from the ATM!”***
***I have committed this error about two to three times a year since 2000. Seriously, I can’t help myself, I gleefully grab my cash and skip away, forgetting the single most important part of using an ATM.
“You fucking idiot, how could you do this on Christmas Eve!? How can you do this all the time?” the girlfriend yells.
“Maybe I can get back in time before the ATM eats it!”
My car screeches down the road, luckily there is no traffic…I hold small shred of hope that the universe will show mercy on me. I pull up beside the ATM, jump out of the car, wide-eyed and briefly optimistic…
The ATM sits there, cold and merciless, the receipt dangling from the dispenser, and the card nowhere to be found. A guy sees my misery and bewilderment, the receipt held futilely in-between my thumb and forefinger:
He says, “Did you leave your card in the ATM?”
Me, “Yeah…”
Him, “That sucks dude…well…Merry Christmas!”
I will stab him with a filthy icicle, and use his skin as currency until my new debit card arrives!!!!!
Oh well…at least I will be able to..um…buy things in 7-10 business days.
Tags: Stupid Things I Do
December 27th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Well that sucks but it made for quite a good read.
December 27th, 2007 at 8:19 am
The guy said Merry Christmas and you wanted to stab him with an icicle… you must have been pretty pissed. I had an ATM eat my card once. It was because it was expired and it sucked. I wonder if it is possible for a card to be full from eating too many ATM cards. What would happen?
December 27th, 2007 at 9:09 am
I just remembered I had a similar situation happen to me also. I had just arrived in London and I was making my first big trip into the actual city ( I stayed out in zone 6 for school) Well I took enough cash with me so I would have money when I landed but I was running out so I used the ATM for the first time. The damn thing ate my card and did not give it back. I went inside the bank and they apologized for their error. They told me they would not be able to retrieve my card until next week (it was a Friday). So here I am stuck in London with virtually no money… DOH. Talk about a pain in the ass.
December 28th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Moral of the Story
Right about now, those of you who know me are thinking that I am going to say something like “dont leave your ATM card in the machine” or “take your card out before you get in the car” or “who the F stops on their way to Christmas Eve dinner to make a deposit at an ATM (knowing dam well that it wont be recorded for two days and even if it is, there are not going to be any debits hitting the account until the 26th”. Well I am sorry to disappoint all of you.
The moral of the story is that sometimes you have to accept things for thew ay they are. For instance, the universe will never show mercy on some people, for if they did, our lives would be devoid of the comic relief spawned my the misfortunes of others.
December 28th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Me A-T-M!….me want to eat yo credit!…and all da pokemons too!
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