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In 2008… I resolve to write the date as ‘07…then scratch it out and put ‘08…until I finally get used to the whole “8″ thing.

This is how you should have celebrated…but you didn’t, did you?

Oh sweet baby jesus how did i miss this picture before? Am i the only one that is late seeing this? If you watch baseball or college football you know who Erin Andrews is. EA is the hottest sideline reporter ever to report the game. She is a 5 tool player in every sense of the meaning. Smoking hot and loves sports what more do you want! Check out this picture of her with the hoagie with her tongue stuck out waiting for it. Now i don’t think you need much of an imagination to think of what a savvy person with photo-shop could oh so easily make this picture look like.  Erin you are just one more reason to look forward to baseball season!

So… I returned to work on Wednesday, hopeful for a peaceful and short week.  The first thing I notice is scattered papers all over my conference room.  I had to prepare my day, so I did not think too much about it, and thought that the heat must have knocked the papers off of a desk. 

About 15 minutes after I had my first cup of coffee, one of my employees comes to me, timidly, and tells me that he thinks we were broken into over the holiday.  He shows me where files had been scattered, and where the phone had been taken off the hook and one of the lines had been picked up in the back office (a place that no one has been in at least 2 weeks).  He also showed me where the weather stripping had been torn off of my warehouse doors.

Needless to say I was pissed off and scared.  I called my alarm company, and they informed me that no one had been in or out of the building over the holiday weekend.  I decided to check my firesafe for my money.  A few of my employees have a key to the firesafe, and there was about $1000 in there over the weekend.  As I bent down to count the money, I heard something under my desk.

At that moment, the intruder jumped on to my back.  I reached back to try and get him off, while screaming like a little girl.  It was by far the largest f-ing squirrell that I have ever seen.  This thing was the size of a Golden Retriever on steroids. 

Needless to say, I was scared shitless.  At least no one really broke in my store. We were able to capture the squirrell and set it free.  It had eaten a hole in the dry wall the size of a bowling ball to get into my office and disrupt everything.  I have spent this week repairing my wall, refiling papers, and cleaning up cat-shit sized squirrell shit.

I cant wait to get back to work after the New Years Holiday.   

Every year it seems more movies come out then i have time or money to go to the movie theatre and see. I mean at $9.50 a pop you want to make sure the movie you are checking out is going to worth the arm you have to give up to get in. It seems their are always movies that are either small production or perhaps poorly marketed that come and go and don’t seem to get the publicity they should. Below you will find 5 movies that were very well done but just seemed to fly under the radar for one reason or another.

1. EASTERN PROMISES

Okay so maybe this one got a bit more pub then some of the others on the list but largely I have not heard many of zombie nation talking about this one. The plot involves Viggo Mortensen Flexing some big time acting muscles as a part of the Russian Mob in London. It looks like this one might pick up a little more steam because it is being nominated for awards. The movie is a great drama that has some very violent scenes that any man can appreciate. Well done movie with some great acting. Take the time to rent this one.  I mean it is a David Cronenberg movie he always delivers the goods. Check out the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes it is certified fresh at 88%.

2. STARDUST

Here is another example of a great film that came in and out of the theatre but it seems no one knows about it. I saw this when it came out and recently re-watched it and the movie maintains all of its charm and luster the second time around. This movie has it all as far as fantasy movies go: witches, stars, unicorns, princes, sword fights, magic, flying ships, enchanted kingdoms etc etc.  Some solid acting from big names like Michelle Pfeiffer, Robert De Niro, Claire Danes, Charlie Cox, and is even narrated by Gandolf.. i mean Ian McKellen!  Not to mention it is based on the same title book by the one and only Neil Gaiman! It is a romance fantasy film that can capture anyone’s imagination if you give it half a chance.  It too is staying fresh on Rotten Tomatoes with a 75%. Give this movie a chance and you too might be wondering why no one else was talking about it earlier.

3. SUNSHINE

This movie is so much more then it looks like. Plot line sounds like your sterotypical sci-fi outerspace  film.  The sun is out lets fly a ship to the sun and try to reignite it with a nuclear weapon. That in itself sounds good to me but SOOOO Much more happens in this movie. I don’t even want to give a hint of what happens because when it slaps you in the face as a surprise it takes the movie in a direction you don’t see coming. I’ll leave it at that take my word for it and check it out! Like with the other movies it is fresh on Rotten Tomatoes with a 75% as well!

4.  YOU KILL ME

Hi my name is Frank. I’m an Alcoholic and a Hitman….

Talk about a dark comedy. Frank is part of the polish mob in Buffalo who gets sent out west to clean up his act because his alcohol problem is getting in the way of his job… killing people. The story tells itself and turns itself into a nice tale about Frank and offers an interesting glimpse at the old tale of alcoholism. If you enjoy a dark comedy this is a good one to check out! Once again Rotten Tomatoes says it is fresh giving it a 78%.

5.  THE KING OF KONG: A FISTFUL OF QUARTERS

Last but not least a great documentary about one man’s battle to conquer the world championship of Donkey Kong. Who even knew there was an official gaming body that kept track of official scores for all the old games! This is the tale of an average every day man that everyone can get behind and root for.  This will pull out the inner dork in all of you and the movie allows you to enjoy it! This one is coming in at a ripe 96% on Rotten Tomatoes!

Well those are 5 that stood out to me. I hope you all find something you missed that peaks your interest!

Jason Reitman’s new movie is in the theatre and is getting quite a bit of critical praiseat this point. Being hailed as this year’s Little Miss Sunshine is no small task to live up to. They really had the full court press on me to see this movie. You have Jason Reitman who’s directorial debut Thank You for Smoking i really enjoyed, comparisons to Little Miss Sunshine a great movie, & the icing on the cake uber-cool actress Ellen Page staring in the film. Not to mention sprinkling a soundtrack that includes Belle & Sebastian, Cat Power, and Moldy Peaches. Throw all of those aspects together and you have me salivating like Pavlov’s dogs to see this movie.

The movie is part Garden State (heart felt story) mixed with Napoleon Dynamite (dialogue) with a spice of Little Miss Sunshine (family aspects) for good measure. If you can imagine a movie that utilizes those strengths you are headed down Juno’s path.

The plot focuses on Juno’s exploration of her feelings as she finds out she has become pregnant at the tender age of 16 after a sexual experience with her best friend Bleaker (Michael Cera). At the root of the movie it explores the question of can we truly only love one individual or are we destined by nature to fall in and out of love through out our lives?

I personally really enjoyed the movie. The dialogue is very funny and the humor is dry.  What I liked most about Juno is the second half of the movie is quite touching and really pulls the audience in. The plot seems to follow a typical path until all of a sudden you are thrown a curve ball which makes the movie a bit more interesting. I won’t spoil it for those who want to see the movie, but this movie delivers a solid hour and forty minutes of fun mixed with serious emotions that come along with a teenager having to deal with a pregnancy.

I see this being a very good date movie. You have the lightness of the humor for the guys who don’t want to feel like they are being forced to see the Notebook mixed with a heart touched story about love and pregnancy that has moments that should touch home with any woman in the audience. Plus you have a great soundtrack in the background of the entire movie.

The downfall of the movie? The dialogue seems forced a little bit too much. It just seems too ultra cool perhaps going over the top at points.  If you can get past that though (i found it easy to) the movie delivers a great experience. I would give it a solid 7 out of 10. Maybe even a 7.5. If you liked Garden State do yourself a favor and go see Juno!

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It is the end of the year and the time has come to pick our favorite Animal video for 2007. I chose the bulldog skateboarding b/c it is a bulldog skateboarding. What else do you need to know?

The bird stealing the chips was a close second.

It’s Christmas Eve, most stores are closing, the next 24 or so hours are going to be devoid of access to amenities such as groceries and liquor. I need to make a deposit, withdraw a little bit of cash for myself and to pick up a few last minute gifts, so a short detour to the ATM while traveling to the girlfriend’s parents should be fairly innocuous. If you were to dig a little deeper, the fact that I bank with a credit union located 400 miles from my home, could make this event seem much more precarious. Actually, I tend to make all events precarious. All deposits, card and check issuances, and miscellaneous banking activities are done remotely. The inconvenience is a small price to pay for the scarce fees, numerous free products, and perks such as instant ATM deposit credits.

So, my girlfriend and I, free of stress, head out the door to enjoy a late Christmas Eve dinner with her family, where we’ll have a little wine and open a few presents. We are a little late, but what else is new? I am always late.

As we drive through the neighborhood I casually mention: “Oh…I need to stop at an ATM and make a deposit, and withdraw cash for the next few days.” I pull next to an ATM, perform the transactions–oooo…its a little chilly outside–and jump back into the car. We drive down the main street, between the row-style shops, noting which bars happen to be open, engaging in friendly conversation: “We should rent SuperBad from RedBox DVD on Wednesday; good thing we have a debit card!” 

Uh-oh, we need gas!

I pull into the gas station, step out and place the pump in the gas-hole…thing. I open my wallet so that I may swipe my debit card through the reader…

Hmmm…where is my debit card?

OH FUCK!

I frantically throw my wallet onto the back seat, jump into the car, and yell, “I forgot to grab my card from the ATM!”***

***I have committed this error about two to three times a year since 2000. Seriously, I can’t help myself, I gleefully grab my cash and skip away, forgetting the single most important part of using an ATM.

“You fucking idiot, how could you do this on Christmas Eve!? How can you do this all the time?” the girlfriend yells.

“Maybe I can get back in time before the ATM eats it!”

My car screeches down the road, luckily there is no traffic…I hold small shred of hope that the universe will show mercy on me. I pull up beside the ATM, jump out of the car, wide-eyed and briefly optimistic…

The ATM sits there, cold and merciless, the receipt dangling from the dispenser, and the card nowhere to be found. A guy sees my misery and bewilderment, the receipt held futilely in-between my thumb and forefinger:

He says, “Did you leave your card in the ATM?”

Me, “Yeah…”

Him, “That sucks dude…well…Merry Christmas!”

I will stab him with a  filthy icicle, and use his skin as currency until my new debit card arrives!!!!!

Oh well…at least I will be able to..um…buy things in 7-10 business days.

SAN FRANCISCO, California (CNN) — An escaped tiger killed a zoo patron and injured two others in a cafe at the San Francisco Zoo Tuesday afternoon, a spokeswoman for the San Francisco Fire Department told CNN.

A San Francisco Zoo visitor attacked by an escaped tiger is carried away on a stretcher.

Both of the injured were transported to San Francisco General Hospital, Fire Department Lt. Mindy Talmadge said.

Police shot and killed the tiger, she added.

The two injured men, aged 19 and 23, were in serious but stable condition with multiple lacerations, said Dr. Eric Isaacs.

“I believe there was probably some blood loss at the zoo, but here they are talking, they are alert, their vital signs are stable at this time,” Isaacs said. Both men could be released as early as Wednesday, he added.

Authorities were notified of an escaped tiger around 5:15 p.m. PT (0115 GMT), shortly after the zoo’s 5 p.m. closing time, Talmadge said.

“Apparently right around closing time — there was a pen with four tigers in it — one of the tigers got out,” Talmadge said. “The tiger went into a cafe at the zoo and attacked a patron. That person ended up dying at the scene.”

Police arrived on the scene, as the tiger attacked two other patrons, Talmadge said.

“They shot the tiger, and the tiger is deceased,” she said.

The 125-acre zoo was locked down after the incident, and all the facility’s other animals were accounted for, including three other tigers that had been in the same enclosure with the escaped tiger, Talmadge said.

Initially, officials feared some or all of the other tigers may have escaped but later determined they had not, Talmadge said.

Police, fire and zoo officials were on the scene investigating, Talmadge said.

The 78-year-old zoo has Siberian tigers and rarer and smaller Sumatran tigers. It was not clear which subspecies of tiger was involved in the incident.

A year ago, one of the zoo’s Siberian tigers attacked a keeper during a public feeding. The keeper survived and recovered from her injuries.

California’s Division of Occupation Safety and Health later determined that the zoo was at fault because of hazardous conditions in the Lion House and lack of specialized safety training for employees.

The zoo made changes ordered by the OSH, and the Lion House was closed for more than six months after that incident.

 So…these guys were attacked at the zoo cafe.  My guess is that the Lion attacked them for taking more than 4 words to order their “lattes”.  The correct way to order at a “cafe” is “coffee…..regular”

Merry Christmas! A Very Zombie Hollidays to you all! ….yes, i’m so lazy i’ve linked to an e-card preview instead of sending it out!